The True (G)entleman

penisology:

or out of them

lulz

I’m waiting to hear back from these hippies about some buiscuts so you know how that go’s.

More like four boxes filled with disappointment.

kayyeeeee:

Yesterday was crazy.

I got no sleep the night before. In the morning I got online and checked on tumbr and Facebook. Texted my date for SAEs Founders Day and she told me her dad wasn’t going to let her go. Apparently going to an event with a guy only a month after breaking up with your last boyfriend makes you a whore. Anyways, she convinced her dad to let her go so I went to pick her up. I got to her house and picked her up around 10:30-10:45. We needed to be to Founders Day by 12:00 when it started. She forgot her hair straightener so we had to go back to get that when she remembered about 5 minutes from her house. Then we got on the interstate and started heading up to where I go to college (she lives about 45 minutes away).

There’s no way we’re going to get there in time for her to straighten her hair and get into her dress and get ready so I was trying to get her to change on the way there. She told me she could do it but for some reason didn’t want to. I reached back to get her bag to give it to her trying to get her to change because it was a formal event and we needed to be dressed up for it. I looked back at the road and I was driving half on and half off of the interstate about to go off the side into the ditch. I turned to correct and get back on but apparently there was ice under the snow and my car started sliding like crazy. We spun probably more than 360 degrees around and ended up at least 40ft away from the interstate in between an on ramp and the road.

So I called AAA and had a tow truck come out. Unfortunately a cop came by and decided he needed to question me for not being on the road. He tested me to see if I was on drugs for a ridiculously long time with stuff like look at this pen and follow it with your eyes. Then he asked if I was on any illegal drugs or had any weapons on me or in my car. He seemed pretty convinced that I had cocaine and hand grenades in my car. I let him search it because why the hell not. I’m pretty sure he felt awkward and stopped searching after he searched my dates bag to find multiple G strings and searched my backpack to find a box of condoms. So I got a ticket for expired insurance that can be taken care of just by showing them the new insurance card and a $120 reckless driving ticket.

After I got towed out I finished driving up to my college but we were already way too late to go to the event. So we decided to just hang out in my room. I put Despicable me into my Xbox and within 5 minutes my shirt was off. A couple hours later she texted her dad and said she needed to stay longer for some social event after the lunch. Then she got into her dress and fixed her hair and I got into my suit and we went to Walmart.

After that we went to get food since we’d missed lunch and then I had to drive her home. On the way there I was starting to get tired. After I dropped her off I decided I should go back to my house, spend the night, and drive back the next day. On the way there though I fell asleep and hit somebody. I didn’t even see the accident happen, I just woke up from the impact. Nobody got hurt in the crash and the car I hit just had their headlight fall out, didn’t even break. My car though had part of the front come off. No damage to the engine, but it’s pretty fucked up.

I got another ticket for insurance, another $120 ticket for reckless driving, and I’m not gonna have my car anymore. The car and insurance are in my moms name and an at fault accident will fuck up the insurance cost like crazy.

Crazy.

P.S. Cocaine and hand grenades sounds pretty cool. Also, my bad for the wall of text.

indigoring:

Me: Ryan and Luke can’t watch Fast & the Furious, they’re nine! There’s scantily clad girls in like every scene, even the car scenes!

Dad: …So you’re saying it’s racy?